Astronomy
by Firedjinn
Summary: The trolls, while hanging out on the meteor, obtain a human astronomy book. Hilarity ensues.
_This... is set before Gamzee goes nuts. I wrote it before I really had reached that section of the story, and I guess it's a little weird to write pre-freakout Gamzee now... but this has been lying around in my Fanfic folder for a long time now, and I figured I may as well post it._

 _Don't own Homestuck, etc. It's (almost) all Hussie._

* * *

 _\- terminallyCapricious [?TC] opened a memo at ?:? on board lOoK At tHiS -_

?TC: HeY GuYs  
?TC: lOoK WhAt i fOuNd

 _\- terminallyCapricious [?TC] uploaded image "bOoK . jpg" -_

 _\- gallowCalibrator [?GC] began responding to memo at ?:? -  
_

?GC: OOOH! 1S TH4T...4STRONOMY?

 _\- carcinoGeneticist [?CG] began responding to memo at ?:? -_

?CG: ASTRONOMY? THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME KIND OF WEIRD-AS-FUCK HUMAN MATING RITUAL. THAT, OR A TRULY HORRIFIC MEDICAL PROCEDURE.  
?TC: wElL ThErE's mOrE To iT ThAn tHaT  
?TC: yOu sEe, tHoSe hUmAn mOtHeRfUcKeRs hAd a wHoLe sEt oF MaGiC CoNsTeLlAtIoNs fOr uS.  
?TC: I MeAn, hOw dId tHeY EvEn kNoW To mAkE OnE FoR EaCh oF Us? mOtHeRfUcKiNg mIrAcLeS, RiGhT?  
?CG: ... SERIOUSLY?  
?CG: SO THEY AGNOWLEDGED US AS THEIR OVERLORDS WITH A BUNCH OF SHITTY INCOMPREHENSIBLE STAR-PICTURES. BIG FAT HAIRY FUCKING DEAL.  
?CG: THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY KNOW ABOUT US!  
?CG: *ANYONE* COULD HAVE COME UP WITH SOME GENERIC DUMBASS STORIES FOR WRIGGLERS AND SLAPPED A FUNNY LABEL ON IT.  
?CG: UNLESS IT SAYS SOMETHING LIKE "OUR TROLL GODS FUCKING AROUND IN THE SKY FOR SOME REASON" AS THE DESCRIPTION, I WOULDN'T BELIEVE A FUCKING WORD OF IT.  
?GC: SHUT UP, K4RK4T!  
?GC: 3V3N 1F YOU'R3 GO1NG TO B3 A GRUMPUSS 4BOUT TH1S 4S USU4L, 4T L34ST L3T M3 SM3LL 1T MYS3LF!  
?CG: WHO EVEN CARES?!  
?TC: hEy, bOtH Of yOu cAlM YoUr tItS  
?TC: ItS JuSt a mOtHeRfUcKiNg bOoK  
?TC: SeE

 _\- terminallyCapricious [?TC] uploaded image "SeE_GuYs . jpg " -_

?CG: YEAH, WELL...  
?CG: WAIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING?  
?CG: ALSO, HOW DID YOU FIGURE OUT HOW TO USE THE WEBCAM?  
?CG: I DIDN'T EVEN THINK YOU HAD A WEBCAM, MUCH LESS THE THINKPAN CAPACITY TO OPERATE ONE  
?TC: ThAt'S My cOnStElLaTiOn, kArBrO  
?TC: It'S A GoAt wItH A FisH's aSs  
?GC: H3H3H3H3  
?CG: WHAT.  
?CG: I...  
?CG: I DON'T EVEN...  
?TC: aNd kArBrO's sTaR PiCtUrE Is...  
?CG: IS WHAT?  
?TC: iIiIiIsSs...  
?CG: WHAT?!  
?TC: ... a bIg-AsS MoThErFuCkInG CrAb!

 _\- terminallyCapricious [?TC] uploaded image "BiG-aSs_mOtHeRfUcKiNg_cRaB . jpg "_

?CG: ASK;,MNDSFMD  
?CG: SK;LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
?GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H  
?GC: OH MY GOG TH4T 1S P3RF3CT  
?GC: YOU 4R3 TH3 CR4B K4RK4T  
?GC: 1T 1S YOU  
?GC: Y3333SSS  
?GC: SO... WH4T 4BOUT M3?  
?TC: UmM... It sOrTa lOoKs lIkE...  
?TC: A sEt oF ScAlEs?  
?GC: OOOH! L1K3 SC4L3M4T3S?  
?TC: nAh...  
?TC: tHe bOoK SaYs tHeY'rE FoR WeIgHiNg sHiT...  
?GC: HOW WOULD TH4T 3V3N WORK?  
?GC: 1 M34N  
?GC: HOW WOULD YOU US3 TH4T FL1PPY-FLOPPY TH1NG TO W31GH STUFF?  
?TC: I DuNnO  
?TC: I GuEsS YoU PuT SHiT On oNe sIdE  
?TC: aNd...  
?TC: wEiGh iT On tHe OtHeR?  
?CG: WHO EVEN CARES?!  
?CG: ALSO, WHY DOES THE ONE WITH SOLLUX'S SYMBOL LOOK LIKE TO GUYS HUGGING EACH OTHER? ARE THEY MOIRAILS OR SOMETHING?  
?GC: K4RK4T 1 S41D SHUT UP!

 _\- carcinoGeneticist [?CG] invited twinArmageddons [?TA] to the memo! -_

?CG: HEY SOLLUX, DID ANYONE TELL YOU YOUR HUMAN CONSTELLATION LOOKS LIKE TWO WEIRDOS HUGGING EACH OTHER?

 _\- twinArmageddons [?TA] began responding the memo -_

?TA: waiit 2eriiou2ly  
?TA: you're kiiddiing riight  
?CG: NO, I AM NOT.  
?TA: 2hiit.

 _\- caligulasAquarium [?CA] began responding to the memo -_

?CA: hey  
?CA: gam  
?CA: wwhat's my constellation supposed ta be  
?TC: wElL...  
?TC: It lOoKs sOrTa lIkE...  
?TC: a dUdE SpIlLiNg a bUcKeT?  
?CA: wwait  
?CA: wwhat?  
?TA: ehehehe how ii2 that not even 2urprii2iing

 _\- centaursTesticle [?CT] began responding to the memo -_

 _\- arsenicCatnip [?AC] began responding to the memo -_

?CT: D- Highb100d  
?CT: D- May I e%amine this tome  
?TC: Uh, iF YoU WaNt, i gUeSs

 _\- terminallyCapricious [?TC] uploaded image "A_BuNcH_Of_sTaR_PiCtUrEs . jpg " -_

?CT: D- This is  
?CT: D- Fa%inating  
?CT: D- Which of these constellations inc100d my symbol?  
?AC: :33 *aC spots her meowrail's symbol on a page, and points it out to him!*

 _\- arsenicCatnip [?AC] uploaded image ";33_its-here . jpg " -_

?CT: D- Oh  
?CT: D- Oh my goodness  
?CT: D- Er  
?CT: D- I don't quite know what to say.  
?CT: D- Perhaps these insolent creatures are not what we first e%pected.  
?CT: D- E%pecially if they have such respect for their superiors as to a100de to them in the form of such noble creatures.  
?CT: D- I am... honored.  
?CG: ALRIGHT, LEMME LOOK AT THOSE PICTURES ALREADY  
?TC: wAiT MaN No nEeD To cOmE OvEr hErE  
?TC: I CaN JuSt mOtHeRfUcKiNg tAkE AnOtHeR PiCtUrE  
?TC: HeY  
?TC: gtfrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrm  
?TC: mnjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjj jlo.,mnjmbvm bb nkfjghgn  
?CG: THERE. THANKS A LOT FOR GETTING YOUR STUPID GREEN SLIME ALL OVER IT, SHITSTAIN!  
?TC: Aw CoMe oN NoW MoThErFuCkEr  
?TC: tHaT WaS JuSt sTrAiGhT-Up rUdE, StEaLiNg a mOtHeRfUcKeR's sHiT LiKe tHaT  
?CG: MAN THIS IS A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT  
?CG: STEAMING FRESH FUCKING BULLSHIT! DXB  
?AC: :33*aC purrlitely enquires as to what her constellation is?*  
?AC: :33 *she nods her head to the grouchy karkitty and his great big book!*  
?CG: FUCK THIS.  
?CG: YOUR CONSTELLATION IS A GIANT DUMB LION.  
?AC: :33 like pounce de leon?  
?CG: YEP. EXACTLY LIKE POUNCE DE LEON.  
?CG: IT WAS A FUCKING INVICIBLE BEAST  
?CG: AND THEN SOME HERO NAMED HURKING-LEASE KILLED IT FOR A QUEST, AND CARRIED ON IN IGNORANCE  
?CG: NOW THAT I LOOK AT IT, HE KIND OF REMINDS ME OF JOHN  
?CG: IN TERMS OF UTTER OBLIVIOUS JERKASSERY AND DOING STUPID SHIT NO SANE PERSON WOULD EVER ATTEMPT, ANYWAY.  
?AC: :33 *the mighty huntress glares at the grouchy karkitty*  
?AC: :33 *she is furry upset with his stupid yowling about mean heroes!*  
?AC: :33 *she stalks off in a huff*  
?CT: D- Be warned, mutant.  
?CT: D- She and I may not be so forgiving next time.  
?CT: D- ...  
?CT: D- Do you mind if I take a page from this book with me? To... study?  
?CG: OH MY GOD  
?CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS *WRONG* WITH YOU  
?CG: AND YES I WILL KEEP ASKING THAT, EVEN IF I ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU  
?CG: BECAUSE YOUR ISSUES JUST KEEP MULTIPLYING LIKE THE CELLS OF A DISEASED GRUB  
?TC: D- Is that a yes

 _\- carcinoGeneticist [?CG] banned centaursTesticle [?CT] from the memo -_

* * *

Dammit FFN, stop deleting my arrows!

fdslnheipufewf,m;lk,jDKMDFS,M.K;LDFSEFWMKAFLPERWKOLTF4RFRR4TTRRRRRRRRR

Anyway, I hope it was okay. It's a bit old... o_o

Please review! Tell me what you think!


End file.
